


Always have your back

by renjunult



Series: You are my pillar [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I LOVE RENJUN, Light Angst, M/M, My First Fanfic, Non AU, renjun centric, renjun deserves all the love, this is about renjun's mistreatment, very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-19 04:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19968364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunult/pseuds/renjunult
Summary: Renjun is mistreated by their staff and the Dreamies are there to help him feel better, to help him realize he's not alone.





	Always have your back

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic here. I'm not even a writer. I wrote this in a state of frustration. If anything, this is just me letting out my feelings about Renjun's situation. I hope at least some of you will enjoy this.
> 
> Please note that English is not my first language and I only reread this a few times, so excuse any mistakes there might be.
> 
> [Edit 25/07/2019] I fixed some spelling mistakes etc. I also want to say thank you for the kudos and the nice comments, I really didn't expect that. It means a lot!

“Thank you for your hard work”, they told the staff as they finished their vlive. The staff nodded back and started talking amongst each other. “We will have to edit that part out…”, was all Renjun could overhear but it was enough. The staff member who scolded him during the vlive gave him one more stern look before he exited the room along with Chenle and Jisung. They walked in silence back to the car with their manager. The air was tense, no one dared to speak. The car ride back to the dorm was spent in silence too, but Renjun could feel his fellow members glancing at him every once in a while. As they entered their dorm, Chenle grabbed Renjun’s arm. “ _Are you okay, ge?_ ”, he asked in Mandarin. Renjun plastered a smile on his face and faced Chenle. “ _I’m fine, just tired. Don’t worry about me, okay?_ ” Chenle didn’t look convinced, but he sensed Renjun needed some time, so he let go off his arm and just nodded.

***

Renjun is sitting on his bed staring out in front of him. He can’t help all these thoughts going through his head. Why was he scolded so badly for simply mentioning Sicheng, his fellow member but also one of the most reliable people in his life? Why does the staff seem to keep him on a tighter leash than some other members? Why won’t the company let him do anything? He has expressed his will for solo activities on more than one occasion but the company seems to be very set on not making that happen. He sighs heavily and buries his face in his hands. He left his home and gave up everything for this. For his dream. And he’s living it. He’s in a successful group and he’s doing what he loves. But these small things, the way the company seems to be holding him back, the way the staff seems to be harsher on him, it’s making him think. Was it all really worth it?

A knock on his door shakes him out of his thoughts. “Come in”, he says while quickly sitting up straight. The door slowly opens and Jeno appears. His face is concerned and he opens his mouth to speak but then he sees Renjun. His eyes grow wide as he quickly closes the door and comes closer. “Hey, are you okay?” Renjun grows confused until he brings his hand up to his face and feels wet tears on his fingers. He didn’t even realize he was crying. He quickly wipes the tears away and tries to smile, but judging by Jeno’s expression it probably ended up looking more like a grimace. “I’m fine, really, don’t worry about it.” Jeno just sighs and carefully sits down at the end of Renjun’s bed, giving him enough space. “I saw the vlive…”, he says softly. “And I heard what that staff member said.” Renjun doesn’t move. He stares at his hands and shrugs. “It’s whatever. I should’ve known better.” When he looks up he’s surprised to see Jeno way closer to him. “Don’t say that, Injunnie, you didn’t even do anything wrong. You just mentioned a fellow member which our 127 hyungs have been doing too and-“ “Please stop”, Renjun interrupts him. “I should’ve known that me mentioning Sicheng hyung would’ve been a problem.” This time, he’s looking Jeno straight in the eyes while talking. “We all know we aren’t exactly their favorites”, he laughs bitterly and Jeno frowns. “Don’t think like that, you know you’re a valuable member of our team and things wouldn’t be the same without you.” Jeno was starting to look desperate at this point. He feels the way Renjun is slipping away, slipping into dark thoughts that shouldn’t be in his head. He can’t let that happen, Renjun is far too important to him. But he honestly doesn’t know if he has enough power to make Renjun feel better. He’s trying, but he can also feel that Renjun doesn’t really believe his words right now. “I’m tired, Jeno”, Renjun says with finality in his voice, and Jeno knows tonight isn’t the right time to have this talk. He nods and makes a move to get up from the bed, but not before reaching out and softly stroking Renjun’s hair. He breathes out when Renjun closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, leaning into his touch. Renjun keeps his eyes closed until Jeno is out of his room.

Things are different the next morning, Renjun can feel it as soon as he enters the living room. Jaemin made breakfast like he does most of the time and he’s the only one sitting at the breakfast table. Jeno is nowhere to be seen and Jisung and Chenle are sitting on the couch quietly talking. When they spot Renjun, they glance at Jaemin and leave to go to their room. They give Renjun a quick glance too before disappearing. Now it’s just him and Jaemin. He sighs, knowing Jaemin probably wants to talk to him alone. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation with him. Jaemin is good at making people spill their feelings, he knows exactly what to say and knows his friends very well. It’s a good trait of course, but right now Renjun wishes he wasn’t the subject of those methods. He sits down quietly in front of Jaemin, not before saying a ‘good morning’ and flashing him a small smile. Jaemin nods and says it back. “Did you sleep well?” “Hmm, fine”, Renjun hums. He is going to try his hardest to seem as normal as possible so Jaemin can see he's completely fine. Jaemin nods again and sips on his coffee. Then he starts talking about normal things and Renjun talks with him, laughs occasionally and overall enjoys his time with one of his best friends. He almost forgets about everything that’s going on until Jaemin mentions it. “So, are you ready for our final vlive of the relay?” Renjun’s smile falters and Jaemin is looking right at him with so much sincerity in his eyes. Renjun recovers quickly and puts up his smile again. “Of course, czennies are going to be so happy to see us all together after all this time. We should make it fun.” Before Jaemin can say anything else, Renjun gets up from his chair and walks to the kitchen. Jaemin doesn’t follow him and he’s grateful, although he can feel his eyes boring into his head even through the wall. When he walks back into the living room, Jaemin is still sitting at the breakfast table. He wants to say something but Renjun beats him to it. “We should get ready to go to practice. I’ll go tell Chenle and Jisung.” He doesn’t even wait for Jaemin’s reply before he walks away.

It turns out Jeno was already at the practice studio with Donghyuck. They greet each other and start practicing, and everything feels normal. Renjun is glad no one seems to be looking at him with pity, even though he knows they will bring it up at some point, but for now this is okay. They practice seriously and laugh when they’re taking a break. Renjun has missed this, has missed Donghyuck with them. He knows Donghyuck missed being with them too by the way his entire face lights up when they’re all talking and the way he laughs with his whole chest. Renjun ends up alone with him when he leaves the practice studio to get a snack and Donghyuck follows him. “What, did you miss me that much?”, Renjun teases. Donghyuck just rolls his eyes and tells him to keep walking, but Renjun still catches the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. They’re always like this, they love teasing each other. In the end, they both know deep down that it’s their way of showing they care about each other. After getting their snacks, they walk back to the practice room slowly while talking. They talk about Donghyuck’s 127 activities, Renjun asks if he’s not tired, Donghyuck jokingly says that Renjun is now running a daycare center. It’s relaxed and Renjun feels at ease. Right before they reach the practice room, Donghyuck makes him stop. “You know… you know I’ll always have your back, right?” Renjun blinks, he thinks of laughing it off as a joke but he knows Donghyuck is being serious, which only happens when he feels very worried about something. “I know, Hyuckie”, he smiles. Donghyuck smiles but Renjun can still see the concern in his eyes. He doesn’t want him or any of the other members worrying about him. He can’t handle Donghyuck’s gaze any longer. “I’ll always have your back too”, he adds before quickly walking back into the practice room.

Renjun doesn’t realize how much he’s dreading their last vlive until they’re on their way to film it. They’re in the car and Renjun ends up sitting in the back next to Jeno. Everyone is talking but Renjun stays quiet, letting his worries roam freely in his head. He can feel himself starting to panic until he feels a hand grab his. He doesn’t dare to look up at the owner of the hand, he just stares as the fingers intertwine with his. He lets it happen, lets himself relax into the comforting touch. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply. ‘You can do it’, he tells himself. The hand squeezes his and his heart swells at the simple but sweet gesture. He opens his eyes and squeezes back. Not a word is spoken between them. Not a look is shared. But they don’t need that, they understand each other like no one else.

They’re setting up for the vlive when one of the staff members pulls Renjun aside. The others try not to watch but they share a worried glance. Renjun is nodding along to what the staff member is saying while keeping his head down. Jeno feels his heart clench at the sight of Renjun so vulnerable. He hates the way they’re making Renjun feel like he’s less important. He wants to speak up but he knows it’s better not to right now for everyone’s sake. Once the staff member stops talking, Renjun joins the others in silence. He’s sitting on the side next to Jeno, it’s the seating arrangement the staff created. Before anyone has the chance to reassure Renjun, the staff is already telling them to get ready and start the vlive. Renjun tries, he really tries to get his mood up but the words of the staff member are too fresh in his head and it’s all he can think about. He’s thankful for Donghyuck and Chenle who try to lift the mood as soon as the vlive starts. All he can hope is that the fans don’t suspect a thing. He barely dares to look at the camera and when he finally does, he also sees a staff member behind the camera giving him a stern look. He shrinks, makes himself even smaller if that’s possible and hides himself away. He decides to busy himself looking at the comments, but he regrets it almost immediately. The comment section is filled with messages like ‘we love you Renjun’ and ‘czennies are always here for you Renjun’ and Renjun wants to cry. He feels tears building up in his eyes and he curses himself internally. He can’t cry on vlive, for everyone to see. Suddenly, Jeno’s hand is on his shoulder, pulling Renjun closer to him so he’s fully on camera. Jeno gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and hopes it’s enough to make Renjun feel a little bit better. The rest of the vlive, Renjun tries to ignore the staff members filling the room. He focusses on the encouraging words of their fans, their czennies. He focusses on the way the other members are clearly trying to cheer him up by reading certain comments about him and by making sure to include him in the conversation. Slowly, he feels himself smile more and brighter, and he knows this is a real smile. Not the fake one he has been plastering on his face, but a genuine smile. They end the vlive in chaos and Renjun feels truly happy for a moment. He feels like he belongs.

Later that evening, the six of them are sitting together on the couch of their dorm. They’re talking about how excited they are for their long awaited comeback, about the support the fans are giving them, about the spoilers they’ve given. When the room falls into a comfortable silence, Jaemin suddenly speaks up. “Injunnie, I hope you know we all care about you.” Renjun looks up and sees all the members nodding. “We want you to be happy. At the end of the day, our members’ happiness is the most important thing”, Donghyuck adds. “We love you,” Jeno finishes, and Renjun can feel a tear fall down his face into his lap. “Thank you”, he whispers. “We’ll always have your back, Injunnie, please remember that.” Renjun nods and smiles at them. He’s so grateful to have his members. There might be a lot of problems, but he will always have them. As he feels a certain members’ hand grab his own, he knows. He will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this didn't go very in-depth and I wish I could've written it better. I'm also sorry for the lack of Chenle and Jisung. I left some things open for interpretation. Thank you for reading.
> 
> Renjun deserves all the love and happiness in the universe.


End file.
